dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
