Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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