I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i black out too much to be "responsible"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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