covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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