I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize