it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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