sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
