The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The ass gains better be worth it
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