Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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