and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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