I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
