I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
