i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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