in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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