I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
