he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
