It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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