Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
