dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
