are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
