I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
