Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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