Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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