This girl is more easily done than said...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
