feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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