i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
