Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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