i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
