my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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