A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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