If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
