you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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