So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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