Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
