so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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