Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
