oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
