1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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