I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
