Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
