We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
