You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
