jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
