finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How's work?
Spinning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
