just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
