I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
