Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
