Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
