My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
