Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
