I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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