i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
