I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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