Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
4 words: hood of his car
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
