You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i believe in u and ur pee
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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