the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
