Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
