Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
